I posted this on facebook a few months ago. Since then, I've wanted to add a few new comments, so here it is! (New in bold italics)
10 Things Every Single Person Should Do
Done... but still doing. 1. Travel alone. Whether you’re trying to find your way through the Paris Metro or the London Underground, haggling over a painting in Mexico or choosing where to bed down in the Badlands, traveling by yourself builds a confidence you simply can’t get any other way. In an unfamiliar place, you have to make decisions by yourself, for yourself every day, which will build a self-reliance you’ll always treasure — even when you become part of a twosome. (I've traveled alone for years now- but I'm excited for a big journey. Europe next summer!) I'm more determined to make it to Europe next summer. I plan the trip once a week, but can't buy tickets yet... soon! I did go to NJ alone again, and survived the crazy airplane man!!!
2. Wallow in the ache of a broken heart. Oh, the pain. The agony. The pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the cable TV. Yep, getting dumped is beyond awful, but guess what? It’s the only way that you’ll develop the empathy you’ll need to be a better partner in a relationship. Because if you’re sensitive to the grief someone else has caused you, you’re less likely to do the same to anyone else. So, consider this painful milestone a lesson in karma that’ll serve you well as you travel through your dating days. (Ok... so I'm not so good at wallowing. It always makes me feel bad. But, I'm learning to wallow. Does B&J make sherbet?) I've learned to wallow. Ok- not entirely... but I'm much better.
Done 3. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. On lonely nights, it’s common for single folk to envision marriage as a cozy scene from a classic film or mail-order catalog. But by spending 48 hours with a real couple, you’ll learn that in between the snuggling and pet names comes growling, bickering, silent treatments and maybe even a slammed door or two before they ultimately compromise. It will show you what married life is like, warts and all, so you won’t over-idealize the two-becomes-one phenomenon again. (I loved my weekend with Misti & Heath!!! I think this is advice for single people who have never been married. I have no crazy ideas about marriage being perfect.) Been there... done that... again, and again. I LOVE my married friends and family!!!
Done 4. Don’t come home all night. That’s right, wild thing. Crash on a friend’s couch, take your friends up on that offer of a last-minute trip… Once you have a mate, you can’t just take off on your own without explanation. And, truthfully, you won’t want to. So if you don’t have someone you have to call and check in with every few hours, take this opportunity to check out! (I crashed on a friend's couch a few weeks ago- and I'm loving just leaving whenever I want.) Wendover... home at 6 am. Exhausted, but so wanting to do this again!
5. Stand up for a cause you care about. Whether you volunteer to help register voters for the next election (why not start early?) or convince your neighborhood or apartment complex to start recycling, get fired up over an issue while you have the time to devote to it. It will remind you that while, yes, finding your soul mate is pretty important, there are other issues at stake in the world that could use your help. And besides, the big-heartedness you’ll be cultivating is very attractive. (Still finding the cause I can stick with- I love trying lots of causes once.) I would LOVE to find a friend willing to go sort food at the food bank with me on days when I don't have school. It was amazing in ways that I can't even describe. Who knew sorting cans could make a soul happy?
6. Have a real adventure. Learn to fly a plane, surf some big waves, or start your own business. Give yourself a thrill by doing something just for you, just for the experience — without having someone at home worrying about you or nagging you not to. Oh, and one more gift with purchase: Think about how much fun you’ll have telling your next date about your daring experience. (I went up a canyon on my bike? Ok... still working on this one...) This should be my new goal... adventure...??? I teach junior high kids folks! Every day is an adventure and I don't really feel up to any others!!! Kidding... I'll work on it.
7. Learn how to take care of yourself. Being solo shouldn’t keep you from cooking for yourself, so learn how to make an impressive meal for one (even if it’s mac and cheese with your own added favorite extra thrown in). While you’re at it, learn how to back up your hard drive and sew on replacement buttons. You’ll feel strong and self-sufficient — and you’ll be armed with skills to share when you are in a relationship. (Um... does it count if I can do it, but just don't want to?) I did do the mac & cheese with my own flavor. And I pump my own gas, and get my own oil changed, and buy my own groceries. I'm very self sufficient when I want to be.
Done 8. Buy something hugely impractical just because you love it. Once you’re in a relationship, you’ll start thinking about your partner before you purchase pricey items — not just “Will he or she hate it?” but “Is this where I want to be putting my money if we’re saving for a wedding?” The single life means a single bank account and an excuse to blow a wad of cash without (some of the) guilt. So, make yourself happy and buy something you crave, whether it’s an expensive vintage movie poster or a decked-out mountain bike. (MUSTANG!?! Which by the way I absolutely love!) Let's be honest here... I mastered this one a few days after I realized my marriage was going to end. Still paying it off, but still loving it!!!
Done 9. Develop a hobby. Learn to woodwork, play acoustic guitar, speak French, DJ on turntables, or make digital short films for fun. Of course you can (and should) still have hobbies when you’re dating someone, but your solo time is prime time to devote yourself to something that makes life more interesting for you — and makes you more interesting to others. (I have a few that I rotate through.) I'm developing myself. I wouldn't call finding God a hobby, but it is giving me something to focus on.
10. Be completely, utterly, wholly single for at least three months. Hopping wildly from one relationship to the next can do you a disservice. Why? Because you’re never more ripe for self-reflection than when you’re on your own — and the more you know yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who’s right for the real you. (Just three months? WHAT?!? Oh... and every other comment I thought of writing for this one is really mean, so I'm not going to say it.) Yup! I made it three months- easy. I'm learning that I'm going to be one of those people that go a LONG time without a relationship. I never thought I'd say six months later that I'm still not ready, but I'm not. And I'm not going to lie about it or pretend otherwise. Am I still wallowing? Not really. I just want to be single. ...and the two people that caused all these problems for all of us should probably have taken this advice and they'd have fewer problems in their own life too!!!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I wish everyone knew this rule...
Everyday Etiquette for Public-Place Encounters
11 unwritten rules while in parking lots, planes, stores, and beyond.
by Michael Joseph Gross
On a cross-country flight, I'm seated next to a chatterbox who wants to swap life stories. How do I let her know that I don't?
Start with nonverbal cues, if possible. Carolyn Hanley, who flies about 60,000 miles each year as a technical trainer for a semiconductor-equipment company in Austin, Texas, has dealt with nosy seatmates on several continents. Her advice: Thumb through the pages of a book, open your laptop, or pull out your PDA. Or, if you've already started to engage the talker, "break off the conversation by calling the flight attendant over and asking a question like 'When do we actually land?' or 'Could I get a rum and Coke―quickly?'"
MY QUESTION: WHAT IF THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU DOESN'T GET THE HINT?
And, these are things the person sitting next to you SHOULD NOT say (but I have experienced myself)
1. Is your (biological) clock ticking? (Really??? Do I look that old???)
2. When you die, you'll see the light. (This was right after I sat down and he inquired about my religion.)
3. I have to go to the bathroom, but my zipper is stuck and I can't get my pants down. (This poor woman... craziest flight ever!)
4. I'm prejudice, are you? (He was serious.)
5. I was going to sit by the beautiful black woman, but then I saw she had a baby. I don't sit next to those things. (Thing?)
11 unwritten rules while in parking lots, planes, stores, and beyond.
by Michael Joseph Gross
On a cross-country flight, I'm seated next to a chatterbox who wants to swap life stories. How do I let her know that I don't?
Start with nonverbal cues, if possible. Carolyn Hanley, who flies about 60,000 miles each year as a technical trainer for a semiconductor-equipment company in Austin, Texas, has dealt with nosy seatmates on several continents. Her advice: Thumb through the pages of a book, open your laptop, or pull out your PDA. Or, if you've already started to engage the talker, "break off the conversation by calling the flight attendant over and asking a question like 'When do we actually land?' or 'Could I get a rum and Coke―quickly?'"
MY QUESTION: WHAT IF THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU DOESN'T GET THE HINT?
And, these are things the person sitting next to you SHOULD NOT say (but I have experienced myself)
1. Is your (biological) clock ticking? (Really??? Do I look that old???)
2. When you die, you'll see the light. (This was right after I sat down and he inquired about my religion.)
3. I have to go to the bathroom, but my zipper is stuck and I can't get my pants down. (This poor woman... craziest flight ever!)
4. I'm prejudice, are you? (He was serious.)
5. I was going to sit by the beautiful black woman, but then I saw she had a baby. I don't sit next to those things. (Thing?)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
New Jersey
I just returned from NJ, and it was fabulous! I love just hanging out with my family. Clay, Ness & I spent hours discussing various issues. It is great to debate with them, even if it did get to be too late.
K & K are so cute and growing up too fast. Little K just lights up every time someone offers to pick her up, but she's also so happy to just run around on her own. Big K is just too smart for everyone's good. It was great to just sit on a couch with her watching a movie and a half. (The first one was too scary, so we switched.)
I was sad to leave.
K & K are so cute and growing up too fast. Little K just lights up every time someone offers to pick her up, but she's also so happy to just run around on her own. Big K is just too smart for everyone's good. It was great to just sit on a couch with her watching a movie and a half. (The first one was too scary, so we switched.)
I was sad to leave.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Carrot, Egg or Coffee Bean?
I was blog jumping tonight. I came across this old post of Ness's, and decided I liked the message. I'm glad to have this reminder of how I want to live life.
Thanks Ness-
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to > make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'
'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
Thanks Ness-
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to > make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'
'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
"My" Places
I know a lot of us have them. Places that our "ours," even though we have no legal ownership. They make us happy when lives are complex, peaceful when the world is in chaos, and they make us better people just by being there.
Sure, I have things and places that are actually mine that have this same effect. My AZ home, my G-ville room, my bench, my Mustang... But these other places are more special, because they don't legally belong to us. These are "my" places because my soul has laid claim to them. No matter what happens in my life, or how far I move, these places cannot be taken away.
1. My tree- my rocket ship cedar tree in AZ
2. My town- Taylor/Snowflake. It just is- and everyone needs to get over it.
3. My road- Highway 89 between Farmington and South Ogden
4. My park- a beautiful place up Provo Canyon.
5. My trail- a trail that branches off behind my park.
6. My rose garden- in Ogden.
7. My swings at the G-ville park
8. My library- WSU
9. My classroom/school (this one will travel with me...)
Sure, I have things and places that are actually mine that have this same effect. My AZ home, my G-ville room, my bench, my Mustang... But these other places are more special, because they don't legally belong to us. These are "my" places because my soul has laid claim to them. No matter what happens in my life, or how far I move, these places cannot be taken away.
1. My tree- my rocket ship cedar tree in AZ
2. My town- Taylor/Snowflake. It just is- and everyone needs to get over it.
3. My road- Highway 89 between Farmington and South Ogden
4. My park- a beautiful place up Provo Canyon.
5. My trail- a trail that branches off behind my park.
6. My rose garden- in Ogden.
7. My swings at the G-ville park
8. My library- WSU
9. My classroom/school (this one will travel with me...)
Happiness Walk/Ride 10/10/10
I took my motorcycle up to my park today. The ride itself was great- I'm getting more confident with canyon rides so I actually enjoyed the curves and colors. The park was crazy busy. Dozens of photographers were there and some sort of Halloween party. But, the leaves were also bright orange, red, and yellow, so it was fun.
I took off down my trail, and these are the things that made me smile.
1. The fall colors
2. The little kid posing for a picture with his frisbee
3. The new stepping "logs" across the river
4. A side trail that led to the perfect bend in the river lined with red trees...
5. The sound the grass made as I walked- swish, swish, swish
6. Another person way back on my trail, looking like he was on his own happiness walk
7. The makeshift bridge crossing to the island
Overall, it was a great trip. It made my soul happier than it has been in weeks. :)
I took off down my trail, and these are the things that made me smile.
1. The fall colors
2. The little kid posing for a picture with his frisbee
3. The new stepping "logs" across the river
4. A side trail that led to the perfect bend in the river lined with red trees...
5. The sound the grass made as I walked- swish, swish, swish
6. Another person way back on my trail, looking like he was on his own happiness walk
7. The makeshift bridge crossing to the island
Overall, it was a great trip. It made my soul happier than it has been in weeks. :)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Taking Advantage of an Early Morning
I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep for a few weeks now. In fact, in three weeks I remember once when I didn't wake up at all, and only 3 nights when I woke up but went back to sleep within 10 minutes. Usually, I'm just awake for hours.
Many wonder why. Here- I'll give you the top three reasons.
1.
2.
3.
How's that? Yeah... not telling.
But, this morning I woke up and the lack of sleep didn't bother me. I listened to the rain outside. And, I had to be in it. I dressed quickly, and warmly, and headed out. I watched the rain fall in front of the street lights. I smiled at my neighbor's purple porch light (Halloween!). I jumped in a shallow puddle. I only went around me block (safety first in the dark!), but it was a nice walk.
Then, I decided to figure out what the whole LDS Conference talk vs. LGBT Community debate is about. I read several articles... and knew instantly that something was wrong. So, I watched the talk. I'm not LDS. I'm not homosexual. But really- so many articles are taking quotes out of context. They are using the few words and twisting them to make it sound like the talk said a lot of stuff it didn't. Saying that the LDS church condones not loving a homosexual person... really??? Where did you get that???
I am not happy about the issue- I'm happy that my debate instincts have kicked in.
It has been a good morning.
Many wonder why. Here- I'll give you the top three reasons.
1.
2.
3.
How's that? Yeah... not telling.
But, this morning I woke up and the lack of sleep didn't bother me. I listened to the rain outside. And, I had to be in it. I dressed quickly, and warmly, and headed out. I watched the rain fall in front of the street lights. I smiled at my neighbor's purple porch light (Halloween!). I jumped in a shallow puddle. I only went around me block (safety first in the dark!), but it was a nice walk.
Then, I decided to figure out what the whole LDS Conference talk vs. LGBT Community debate is about. I read several articles... and knew instantly that something was wrong. So, I watched the talk. I'm not LDS. I'm not homosexual. But really- so many articles are taking quotes out of context. They are using the few words and twisting them to make it sound like the talk said a lot of stuff it didn't. Saying that the LDS church condones not loving a homosexual person... really??? Where did you get that???
I am not happy about the issue- I'm happy that my debate instincts have kicked in.
It has been a good morning.
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