Review of 10 Things to do Single

I posted this on facebook a few months ago. Since then, I've wanted to add a few new comments, so here it is! (New in bold italics)

10 Things Every Single Person Should Do
Done... but still doing. 1. Travel alone. Whether you’re trying to find your way through the Paris Metro or the London Underground, haggling over a painting in Mexico or choosing where to bed down in the Badlands, traveling by yourself builds a confidence you simply can’t get any other way. In an unfamiliar place, you have to make decisions by yourself, for yourself every day, which will build a self-reliance you’ll always treasure — even when you become part of a twosome. (I've traveled alone for years now- but I'm excited for a big journey. Europe next summer!) I'm more determined to make it to Europe next summer. I plan the trip once a week, but can't buy tickets yet... soon! I did go to NJ alone again, and survived the crazy airplane man!!!

2. Wallow in the ache of a broken heart. Oh, the pain. The agony. The pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the cable TV. Yep, getting dumped is beyond awful, but guess what? It’s the only way that you’ll develop the empathy you’ll need to be a better partner in a relationship. Because if you’re sensitive to the grief someone else has caused you, you’re less likely to do the same to anyone else. So, consider this painful milestone a lesson in karma that’ll serve you well as you travel through your dating days. (Ok... so I'm not so good at wallowing. It always makes me feel bad. But, I'm learning to wallow. Does B&J make sherbet?) I've learned to wallow. Ok- not entirely... but I'm much better.

Done 3. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. On lonely nights, it’s common for single folk to envision marriage as a cozy scene from a classic film or mail-order catalog. But by spending 48 hours with a real couple, you’ll learn that in between the snuggling and pet names comes growling, bickering, silent treatments and maybe even a slammed door or two before they ultimately compromise. It will show you what married life is like, warts and all, so you won’t over-idealize the two-becomes-one phenomenon again. (I loved my weekend with Misti & Heath!!! I think this is advice for single people who have never been married. I have no crazy ideas about marriage being perfect.) Been there... done that... again, and again. I LOVE my married friends and family!!!

Done 4. Don’t come home all night. That’s right, wild thing. Crash on a friend’s couch, take your friends up on that offer of a last-minute trip… Once you have a mate, you can’t just take off on your own without explanation. And, truthfully, you won’t want to. So if you don’t have someone you have to call and check in with every few hours, take this opportunity to check out! (I crashed on a friend's couch a few weeks ago- and I'm loving just leaving whenever I want.) Wendover... home at 6 am. Exhausted, but so wanting to do this again!

5. Stand up for a cause you care about. Whether you volunteer to help register voters for the next election (why not start early?) or convince your neighborhood or apartment complex to start recycling, get fired up over an issue while you have the time to devote to it. It will remind you that while, yes, finding your soul mate is pretty important, there are other issues at stake in the world that could use your help. And besides, the big-heartedness you’ll be cultivating is very attractive. (Still finding the cause I can stick with- I love trying lots of causes once.) I would LOVE to find a friend willing to go sort food at the food bank with me on days when I don't have school. It was amazing in ways that I can't even describe. Who knew sorting cans could make a soul happy?

6. Have a real adventure. Learn to fly a plane, surf some big waves, or start your own business. Give yourself a thrill by doing something just for you, just for the experience — without having someone at home worrying about you or nagging you not to. Oh, and one more gift with purchase: Think about how much fun you’ll have telling your next date about your daring experience. (I went up a canyon on my bike? Ok... still working on this one...) This should be my new goal... adventure...??? I teach junior high kids folks! Every day is an adventure and I don't really feel up to any others!!! Kidding... I'll work on it.

7. Learn how to take care of yourself. Being solo shouldn’t keep you from cooking for yourself, so learn how to make an impressive meal for one (even if it’s mac and cheese with your own added favorite extra thrown in). While you’re at it, learn how to back up your hard drive and sew on replacement buttons. You’ll feel strong and self-sufficient — and you’ll be armed with skills to share when you are in a relationship. (Um... does it count if I can do it, but just don't want to?) I did do the mac & cheese with my own flavor. And I pump my own gas, and get my own oil changed, and buy my own groceries. I'm very self sufficient when I want to be.

Done 8. Buy something hugely impractical just because you love it. Once you’re in a relationship, you’ll start thinking about your partner before you purchase pricey items — not just “Will he or she hate it?” but “Is this where I want to be putting my money if we’re saving for a wedding?” The single life means a single bank account and an excuse to blow a wad of cash without (some of the) guilt. So, make yourself happy and buy something you crave, whether it’s an expensive vintage movie poster or a decked-out mountain bike. (MUSTANG!?! Which by the way I absolutely love!) Let's be honest here... I mastered this one a few days after I realized my marriage was going to end. Still paying it off, but still loving it!!!

Done 9. Develop a hobby. Learn to woodwork, play acoustic guitar, speak French, DJ on turntables, or make digital short films for fun. Of course you can (and should) still have hobbies when you’re dating someone, but your solo time is prime time to devote yourself to something that makes life more interesting for you — and makes you more interesting to others. (I have a few that I rotate through.) I'm developing myself. I wouldn't call finding God a hobby, but it is giving me something to focus on.

10. Be completely, utterly, wholly single for at least three months. Hopping wildly from one relationship to the next can do you a disservice. Why? Because you’re never more ripe for self-reflection than when you’re on your own — and the more you know yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who’s right for the real you. (Just three months? WHAT?!? Oh... and every other comment I thought of writing for this one is really mean, so I'm not going to say it.) Yup! I made it three months- easy. I'm learning that I'm going to be one of those people that go a LONG time without a relationship. I never thought I'd say six months later that I'm still not ready, but I'm not. And I'm not going to lie about it or pretend otherwise. Am I still wallowing? Not really. I just want to be single. ...and the two people that caused all these problems for all of us should probably have taken this advice and they'd have fewer problems in their own life too!!!