Bittersweet Memories

I am setting up my Christmas tree.  Honestly, I have struggled with the decision for several reasons.  Mostly, the tree was bought to surprise me and setting it up makes me sad.  I also know that there will be no presents under the tree, and that makes me sad. 

But, I want a tree in my house.  So, I'm compromising.  I bought new decorations for the tree, and I'm going to wrap all the presents I have for my nieces and they'll live under my tree for as long as possible. 

But, the whole process has made me sentimental. I realize I have a lot of memories that are bittersweet. They make me so happy, and reliving those moments make me smile and laugh. And then I realize that everything has changed, and the things that made those memories so good are gone. 

And that makes me sad. 

But, I am going to face that sadness. I am going to relive those memories because the joy is good. And I will make new memories that will bring me joy.

I remember my junior year in high school.  It was right around this time of year when Jarod and I got into a silly fight over buying Christmas presents. He wanted to get me something but insist I buy him nothing. At one point he wrote me a note that used a few choice words, basically calling me stubborn. I used even more choice words when I wrote him back. Silly boy left the note where his mom found it, and she grounded me for weeks. I don't remember what we exchanged for Christmas, but I remember laughing in how much trouble I got in by HIS mom.

I remember Christmas in Arizona. We spend Christmas eve at my grandparents' and always opened one gift. We got up bright and early Christmas morning. Actually, CJ always stayed in my room and we stayed up all night. Once it was one, we snuck upstairs. Christmas day we spent with Grandpa in his Santa hat.  I miss him, and I miss the excitement of the morning.

I remember Christmas in Idaho. My grandma's tree was HUGE, and sat right in front of these large windows. It was so beautiful in the morning, with presents piled underneath. That day all of us cousins just played. I am so glad we were able to make it that year. I miss Grandma. Now all of us cousins have grown up, and sometimes it seems like most of my family has grown in reverse.

I remember Starbursts and Skittles in duct tape. And more Starbursts the next year, and the year after that. I remember always wondering just how much duct tape I was going to have to rip through to get to my gift.

I can't wait for Christmas this year. I can't wait to see what memories I will form. It is one month from tomorrow...