September 25. 2010

It is only the 24th, but I already know tomorrow is going to be a day full of every emotion. I'm trying to ignore it, but it isn't working.

September 25, 2010. For 24 hours the two most difficult things I remember dealing with as an adult will converge. And I will live through it.

There will be tears... and smiles. And I'm dreading knowing tomorrow is coming, but also grateful that in only 26 hours, the day will be over.

Jarod- tomorrow I walk in memory of you. I walk in memory of all the good times we had yelling at each other, and arguing in math. I've never gotten into so much trouble in a class- all because you wouldn't do your homework until I explained it the next day. I will walk and remember riding busses with you, and running with you, and playing pool with you... I will walk remembering the good times.

You left us too soon, and I miss you. I wish you'd known how much you'd be missed, and maybe you would have decided to stay.

Andrew- six years tomorrow. I can't really write anything more about it. Everything I type just makes me sound hurt and angry, but truthfully I'm not. On a day to day basis, I am happy. I find joy in life, and I hate that every thought I have about our anniversary is bitter. The thoughts I have about you aren't... I remember the good in you. But September 25th doesn't have a happy ending...

I will survive tomorrow. I will laugh with my mom, sister, and friends. I will have moments when I will forget all the things that tomorrow means. And in the silence, I will remember all the good I can.

I promise.

Rules for a Happiness Walk

1. If any rules bring more stress than joy, ignore the rule and make your own.
2. Smile (not constantly... but often)
3. If you walk under a tree, breath deeply
4. Smell all the flowers you can reach from the sidewalk
5. Walk through sprinklers, not around
6. Say hello to everyone you cross paths with
7. Find at least five things that have make you smile- Write them down or SHARE

Today's "Smiles"
- the two year old that practiced waving with me
- the elderly couple walking arm in arm down the street
- the leaves in the mountains are turning red
- the little girls having a picnic in their yard
- the sunset!
- the person sitting out front writing a guitar song
- the dog that looked like might Great Grandma's
- meeting my new neighbors

A Funny Article

I read an article on how to answer tough questions from kids. It was informative and insightful. (And completely useless information...)

But at the end, the author threw in this, and it made me smile:

Answers You Wish You Could Give, but Can't

Q: Why were you on top of Mommy, Daddy?

A: She doesn't like reverse cowgirl all that much.

Q: What happens when you die?

A: Worms feed on your eyes.

Q: Who do you love best?

A: Your younger sister. And it's "whom."

Q: Is Santa real?

A: Dude, do you really believe elves who live in a part of the world without much of an electrical infrastructure can program Wii games? Think, Frank, think.

Running

I decided to take my dogs for a walk- one at a time. Since my feet are shredded from my school shoes, I decided to put on my good (but 11 years old) running shoes.

Now first of all, I almost quit before I started. My dogs LOVE going on walks, and having to leave Jackie behind was SO SAD! She whined at the door... and just looked so sad. I could barely stand it, but I know walking them together is too much for me.

I got about a block away with Lady, and had to cross the street. We walked kinda fast to cross, and my soul whispered, "Run." So I did.

It was such a good feeling! I haven't gone running with Lady in years, but it was just fun. She matches pace perfectly. Granted, she likes to randomly stop in front of me and I almost killed her a few times, but it just made me laugh.

When I left her home and took Jackie out- she looked so sad! But, Jackie and I had a great jog. I don't think I've ever ran with her, but she was a perfect partner too. She doesn't pull nearly as hard, so it was more of a cool down job.

If I'm not dead tomorrow, I may have to do this again.