ME: How was your vacation?- to a male relative.
TODD: It was great.
ME: Who did you go with?
TODD: My friend that I'm living with- I went with his wife. He doesn't know that, but we did.
ME: That is so wrong! He doesn't know?
TODD: (paraphrased and shortened) Well it is his fault. We were going to all go together, but he didn't arrange his stuff. I did my stuff, she did her stuff. He didn't take care of his stuff. She told him she still he wanted to go without it. He told her he didn't want her to go with me. I wanted to still go, so we told him that I was going camping while she went to Mexico.
ME: That is so wrong! It isn't ok to lie to him. She shouldn't have gone with you.
TODD: He shouldn't tell her not to go if she wants to go. He could have come along. We had separate rooms... and she wants to lie to him.
ME: But, it isn't ok for her to lie to her husband about it! He should be told.
TODD: Well, I wasn't going to stay home, and she doesn't want him to know.
Really? Is it really ok to go on vacation for a week to Mexico with your friend's wife? He let you move in after your wife divorced you and you help her lie/deceive him? YOU GO TO MEXICO WITH HER???
This is not the first time I've seen this type of thing from these two people. It makes me sick. It makes me question humanity and morality and basic human decency.
Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong? Am I crazy???
I really want to tell the guy, but I only know his friend. I've met the wife and him once, but I never talked with them. I wish someone had told me when Andy was deceiving me, and I wish someone had stood up to Andy to tell him it was wrong. Instead, people just said it wasn't their business and let it go on.
Where is that line between doing what is right and minding your own business?
Friday, May 18, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
I was a songwriter
My mom dug out multiple boxes from my old bedroom, and I found a lot of treasures. A lot of the pictures made me laugh, and a few of them made me tear up a little. Mostly, I smiled.
At the VERY bottom of the LAST box (I know it sounds like I'm making that up but it is true...) I found a folder full of songs I wrote in elementary school. I was in 3rd, 4th, 5th grade- (I wish I had written down the dates) and I wanted to be a country singer. (Not really, since I can't really sing...) Most of them are not finished, but only a verse or a chorus.
Here are a few of my favorites, starting with the ONE song I still remember the words and tune to. Warning: they are CHEESEY!
PS- I am leaving the spelling as I wrote it...
Fantasies
Unicorns and faries, elves and little knomes
They live in the storybook on my shelf back home
Witches and dragons always scare me,
You are now one of them
You're now a fantasy
Special Ingridiant
There's alot to a friendship,
Alot of special things,
Going to the moview,
and putting dimes in the machines.
A little bit of heaven from up above,
But the special ingridient is love.
Love is a great thing,
it comes only from inside,
it gives you happiness, friends, and pride,
A friendship takes a bit of heaven from above,
but that special ingridient is love
It Hurts (REALLY CHEESY ALERT!
It hurts when you are sorry
It hurts deep inside
It hurts when you're wrong
It makes you swallow your pride
It hurts when you're all alone
When no one does care
Then it makes you mad
When suddenly someone's there
It hurts when your sad
It hurts real bad
You can't stop the hurt
When you're not allert
It hurts.
It hurts all the time you know
It hurts while it's tall
It hurts little to,
It makes you feel so, so small
It hurts when no ones there,
To care for you
It feels so lonely
And sometimes you are scared
Chorus
Tomorrow (Draft 1)
Come back, face you're problems
Things someday will bee better, tomorrow
It may not have bin a good day but
You must stay and face it, tomorrow
You may have lost something or someone
but don't give up, tomorrow
You must learn to face the facts of our life, tomorrow
Tomorrow, tomorrow, things might turn around
but don't give up today
Tomorrow, tomorrow you can't leave at all,
we will find a way
Things will turn around I know
They will for surten, tomorrow
You must face life the way you have it, tomorrow
Don't give up you will find a way to solve this,
I'm sure, tomorrow
Things will look better in the morning light, tomorrow
Chorus
Tomorrow (Draft 2)
Face your problems
Face the facts of life
Turn around, ask for help,
Don't let the world cut you like a knife
Family lost, don't worry
For every good there is a bad
So just sit back, relax
Just smile, be happy, be glad
Tomorrow things will be better, I'm sure
Life is never pure,
Happyness,
I never feel down,
Cause things always turn around
Tomorrow
Tell me all about your trouble
All help get through it
You'll be fine, I say
Come on, don't stand, just sit
Open up, let it out
Things will be all right,
Take it easy, calm down,
Things will turn out in the morning light
Chorus
At the VERY bottom of the LAST box (I know it sounds like I'm making that up but it is true...) I found a folder full of songs I wrote in elementary school. I was in 3rd, 4th, 5th grade- (I wish I had written down the dates) and I wanted to be a country singer. (Not really, since I can't really sing...) Most of them are not finished, but only a verse or a chorus.
Here are a few of my favorites, starting with the ONE song I still remember the words and tune to. Warning: they are CHEESEY!
PS- I am leaving the spelling as I wrote it...
Fantasies
Unicorns and faries, elves and little knomes
They live in the storybook on my shelf back home
Witches and dragons always scare me,
You are now one of them
You're now a fantasy
Special Ingridiant
There's alot to a friendship,
Alot of special things,
Going to the moview,
and putting dimes in the machines.
A little bit of heaven from up above,
But the special ingridient is love.
Love is a great thing,
it comes only from inside,
it gives you happiness, friends, and pride,
A friendship takes a bit of heaven from above,
but that special ingridient is love
It Hurts (REALLY CHEESY ALERT!
It hurts when you are sorry
It hurts deep inside
It hurts when you're wrong
It makes you swallow your pride
It hurts when you're all alone
When no one does care
Then it makes you mad
When suddenly someone's there
It hurts when your sad
It hurts real bad
You can't stop the hurt
When you're not allert
It hurts.
It hurts all the time you know
It hurts while it's tall
It hurts little to,
It makes you feel so, so small
It hurts when no ones there,
To care for you
It feels so lonely
And sometimes you are scared
Chorus
Tomorrow (Draft 1)
Come back, face you're problems
Things someday will bee better, tomorrow
It may not have bin a good day but
You must stay and face it, tomorrow
You may have lost something or someone
but don't give up, tomorrow
You must learn to face the facts of our life, tomorrow
Tomorrow, tomorrow, things might turn around
but don't give up today
Tomorrow, tomorrow you can't leave at all,
we will find a way
Things will turn around I know
They will for surten, tomorrow
You must face life the way you have it, tomorrow
Don't give up you will find a way to solve this,
I'm sure, tomorrow
Things will look better in the morning light, tomorrow
Chorus
Tomorrow (Draft 2)
Face your problems
Face the facts of life
Turn around, ask for help,
Don't let the world cut you like a knife
Family lost, don't worry
For every good there is a bad
So just sit back, relax
Just smile, be happy, be glad
Tomorrow things will be better, I'm sure
Life is never pure,
Happyness,
I never feel down,
Cause things always turn around
Tomorrow
Tell me all about your trouble
All help get through it
You'll be fine, I say
Come on, don't stand, just sit
Open up, let it out
Things will be all right,
Take it easy, calm down,
Things will turn out in the morning light
Chorus
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saying Goodbye
I never really knew Bradford. I said hello and 'nice to see you' a few times in life, but I never really knew him. The first time he and I actually had a conversation was a week before he died. It was amazing, but when he hugged me that night, I knew immediately that he was a man who cared deeply about others.
When he hugged me, he told me emphatically how glad he was that I was there again with Andy. The way he said it I knew had nothing to do with me- but had everything to do with how much he cared about my husband. He had known Andy for years, but in the time we were separated, he and Andy got to know each other as friends, instead of the friend-of-brother/little-brother-of-friend relationship they'd had before.
And, even without knowing what would happen a week later, I knew the amazing man that was Bradford. I knew that he and Andy didn't spend a lot of time together, or talk very often, or even have much in common- but in two sentences Bradford showed me, a complete stranger, the depths of his love for anyone he knew.
The people who actually got to know this for more than 30 seconds of their life- how truly blessed you are.
Knowing how much Bradford made me feel special and loved in just a 30 second hug- explains the amazing children that I saw at his memorial yesterday. His daughter and son made us all laugh and cry. When the little girl explained how their new family is making adjustments and that they will be ok, I saw a strength well beyond her years. When she stepped to center stage and sang, "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow," from Annie a'Capella , I can't even express the amazement. And yes, the tears streamed down my face.
There is a new family out there tonight, grieving over the loss of an amazing father and brother, while at the same time doing the work to be a new family. They are an inspiration to me, and I don't even know them. But I am praying for them.
When he hugged me, he told me emphatically how glad he was that I was there again with Andy. The way he said it I knew had nothing to do with me- but had everything to do with how much he cared about my husband. He had known Andy for years, but in the time we were separated, he and Andy got to know each other as friends, instead of the friend-of-brother/little-brother-of-friend relationship they'd had before.
And, even without knowing what would happen a week later, I knew the amazing man that was Bradford. I knew that he and Andy didn't spend a lot of time together, or talk very often, or even have much in common- but in two sentences Bradford showed me, a complete stranger, the depths of his love for anyone he knew.
The people who actually got to know this for more than 30 seconds of their life- how truly blessed you are.
Knowing how much Bradford made me feel special and loved in just a 30 second hug- explains the amazing children that I saw at his memorial yesterday. His daughter and son made us all laugh and cry. When the little girl explained how their new family is making adjustments and that they will be ok, I saw a strength well beyond her years. When she stepped to center stage and sang, "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow," from Annie a'Capella , I can't even express the amazement. And yes, the tears streamed down my face.
There is a new family out there tonight, grieving over the loss of an amazing father and brother, while at the same time doing the work to be a new family. They are an inspiration to me, and I don't even know them. But I am praying for them.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Big Week Emotionally
Well- this has been one of those week full of BIG emotions- deep ones that make my soul shift and make life look a little different than it did last week.
Life looks... better.
It has been an interesting year, and things are really settling down in to a great place. I never imagined or said that the journey of Andy coming home would be easy. And, it wasn't. But this week I just felt in the depth of my soul that life is normal now. The time when he lived somewhere else is in the past... a distant memory that fades more and more all the time.
An hour ago someone asked me about an event that took place while Andy was living somewhere else. This person is related to us, and didn't even remember that we had been separated. That's nice.
We also took dance lessons this week. Andy thought of the idea over a year ago, when he first told me he wanted to come home. He told me he wanted to learn to dance with me. We had a friend who taught them, but due to his busy schedule, a fire at his dance studio, relationship drama, and etc., etc., he hasn't taught a class since Andy came home. We found one through the local university and decided to sign up. Unfortunately the only opening was western swing, which is far above our skill level, but it was dancing.
And it was fun. We were both a little terrified, but the instructor was really good about just teaching little steps. Andy was actually a natural, and I was able to "follow" my "leader" for the first time ever on a dance floor. I've had lots of friends try to teach me, and they always complained that I wouldn't let them lead. Turns out I am capable doing it right!!!
Flash forward to this weekend- and Andy is on set. To understand how HUGE it is for me to be here with him, you have to understand the reasons he moved out to begin with. It involved film, and the woman he met through film...
This is the first major production that he has done of his own in awhile, and here I am with him. This scared me far more than dancing did- simply because his film world changed a lot while he was gone. New people have joined his circle, and he uses advanced techniques and uses lingo that I do not understand.
But today was just simply fun. I got a lot of grading done in the down time, but I also got to chat with a lot fun people. The topics ranged from what I'm teaching in my class, to scary stories people told as children, to political propaganda, to dirty mouths, to knife throwing... and I just loved it.
This was one of the final tests for me to know that I have recovered. Could I watch Andy on set again? Could I be on set again? Could I belong on set again?
And, I feel good.
My soul is flying.
Except- for all of the high emotions, there are the dark ones that have crept in to life again as well. A dear friend of Andy's family killed himself yesterday. His children have now lost both of their parents. His best friend said today that he doesn't even feel pain yet, he is just angry.
And I remember that feeling so well...
I am sad for my loss. I am sad for my brother-in-law. I am pained for the children more than anyone else...
When I pray tonight, I will pray for this man, I will pray for his friends and family, I will pray for his children, and I will thank God for the blessings he has given me.
Life looks... better.
It has been an interesting year, and things are really settling down in to a great place. I never imagined or said that the journey of Andy coming home would be easy. And, it wasn't. But this week I just felt in the depth of my soul that life is normal now. The time when he lived somewhere else is in the past... a distant memory that fades more and more all the time.
An hour ago someone asked me about an event that took place while Andy was living somewhere else. This person is related to us, and didn't even remember that we had been separated. That's nice.
We also took dance lessons this week. Andy thought of the idea over a year ago, when he first told me he wanted to come home. He told me he wanted to learn to dance with me. We had a friend who taught them, but due to his busy schedule, a fire at his dance studio, relationship drama, and etc., etc., he hasn't taught a class since Andy came home. We found one through the local university and decided to sign up. Unfortunately the only opening was western swing, which is far above our skill level, but it was dancing.
And it was fun. We were both a little terrified, but the instructor was really good about just teaching little steps. Andy was actually a natural, and I was able to "follow" my "leader" for the first time ever on a dance floor. I've had lots of friends try to teach me, and they always complained that I wouldn't let them lead. Turns out I am capable doing it right!!!
Flash forward to this weekend- and Andy is on set. To understand how HUGE it is for me to be here with him, you have to understand the reasons he moved out to begin with. It involved film, and the woman he met through film...
This is the first major production that he has done of his own in awhile, and here I am with him. This scared me far more than dancing did- simply because his film world changed a lot while he was gone. New people have joined his circle, and he uses advanced techniques and uses lingo that I do not understand.
But today was just simply fun. I got a lot of grading done in the down time, but I also got to chat with a lot fun people. The topics ranged from what I'm teaching in my class, to scary stories people told as children, to political propaganda, to dirty mouths, to knife throwing... and I just loved it.
This was one of the final tests for me to know that I have recovered. Could I watch Andy on set again? Could I be on set again? Could I belong on set again?
And, I feel good.
My soul is flying.
Except- for all of the high emotions, there are the dark ones that have crept in to life again as well. A dear friend of Andy's family killed himself yesterday. His children have now lost both of their parents. His best friend said today that he doesn't even feel pain yet, he is just angry.
And I remember that feeling so well...
I am sad for my loss. I am sad for my brother-in-law. I am pained for the children more than anyone else...
When I pray tonight, I will pray for this man, I will pray for his friends and family, I will pray for his children, and I will thank God for the blessings he has given me.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Song in My Head
This song is constantly in my head since I first heard it a few weeks ago. It actually came on the radio at the perfect time. I was driving to work the day I was teaching metaphor and simile- and it is full of metaphors! It was part of my lesson that day.
And, since I feel like blogging but have no idea what to write- here is my latest favorite song.
"Ours"
Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers' silence makes me want to take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs
Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine
And you'll say
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and
Your hands are tough
But they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith
With this song for you
'Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
'Cause my heart is yours
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
And, since I feel like blogging but have no idea what to write- here is my latest favorite song.
"Ours"
Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers' silence makes me want to take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs
Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine
And you'll say
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and
Your hands are tough
But they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith
With this song for you
'Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
'Cause my heart is yours
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Turning 30
I don't turn 30 for another five months, and I am already not happy about this. I feel like I am getting older, without having so many things that I wanted to have by thirty.
Not that I regret the direction I have taken in life- I love my life and am quite happy with it. However, I also feel like that are certain things that I am running out of time to pursue. I feel like I am behind on so many things.
I feel old.
Is 30 old? Is it too old to change my career? Is it too old to start over in a new place? It is too old to begin a family? It is too old to decide in the middle of the night to take a few days off and go on vacation?
In my head I know that 30 isn't too old to do anything. I have seen and known people who have done amazing things after 30.
I was just the person who planned out my life to the every detail- but I stopped at 30. I haven't fulfilled the plan and I feel like my time is up. It is like the Mayan calendar ending. We've looked to that calendar for so long- what will we look at when it has ended?
Oh the things I want to still do... I almost feel like I have wasted my 20's. Don't take that the wrong way- I really have loved my 20's- but could I have done more?
I guess the regretting won't actually do any good. I guess all I can do now is try to concentrate on doing the things after 30 that I didn't get to before.
So, here is the plan. Maybe if I start now, turning 30 in five months won't be so difficult...
I will apply for my Master's degree after I get paid in March. I will be accepted (Right???) because the program is "non-competitive" and I will register for classes next fall. In 2.5 years, I will have the license to be a principal.
I will start saving money for a trip to Peru. It is top on my list of "Places I want to Visit but Probably Never Will." That list needs to disappear, starting with Peru.
I will have a party for my 30th birthday. (Andy has already been told that this party would happen, since I haven't had a birthday party since I was 17...???)
I will do something "Once in a lifetime..." for my 30th. I am thinking skydiving...
I need to embrace thirty... and I have five months to get to it.
Not that I regret the direction I have taken in life- I love my life and am quite happy with it. However, I also feel like that are certain things that I am running out of time to pursue. I feel like I am behind on so many things.
I feel old.
Is 30 old? Is it too old to change my career? Is it too old to start over in a new place? It is too old to begin a family? It is too old to decide in the middle of the night to take a few days off and go on vacation?
In my head I know that 30 isn't too old to do anything. I have seen and known people who have done amazing things after 30.
I was just the person who planned out my life to the every detail- but I stopped at 30. I haven't fulfilled the plan and I feel like my time is up. It is like the Mayan calendar ending. We've looked to that calendar for so long- what will we look at when it has ended?
Oh the things I want to still do... I almost feel like I have wasted my 20's. Don't take that the wrong way- I really have loved my 20's- but could I have done more?
I guess the regretting won't actually do any good. I guess all I can do now is try to concentrate on doing the things after 30 that I didn't get to before.
So, here is the plan. Maybe if I start now, turning 30 in five months won't be so difficult...
I will apply for my Master's degree after I get paid in March. I will be accepted (Right???) because the program is "non-competitive" and I will register for classes next fall. In 2.5 years, I will have the license to be a principal.
I will start saving money for a trip to Peru. It is top on my list of "Places I want to Visit but Probably Never Will." That list needs to disappear, starting with Peru.
I will have a party for my 30th birthday. (Andy has already been told that this party would happen, since I haven't had a birthday party since I was 17...???)
I will do something "Once in a lifetime..." for my 30th. I am thinking skydiving...
I need to embrace thirty... and I have five months to get to it.
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