Well- this has been one of those week full of BIG emotions- deep ones that make my soul shift and make life look a little different than it did last week.
Life looks... better.
It has been an interesting year, and things are really settling down in to a great place. I never imagined or said that the journey of Andy coming home would be easy. And, it wasn't. But this week I just felt in the depth of my soul that life is normal now. The time when he lived somewhere else is in the past... a distant memory that fades more and more all the time.
An hour ago someone asked me about an event that took place while Andy was living somewhere else. This person is related to us, and didn't even remember that we had been separated. That's nice.
We also took dance lessons this week. Andy thought of the idea over a year ago, when he first told me he wanted to come home. He told me he wanted to learn to dance with me. We had a friend who taught them, but due to his busy schedule, a fire at his dance studio, relationship drama, and etc., etc., he hasn't taught a class since Andy came home. We found one through the local university and decided to sign up. Unfortunately the only opening was western swing, which is far above our skill level, but it was dancing.
And it was fun. We were both a little terrified, but the instructor was really good about just teaching little steps. Andy was actually a natural, and I was able to "follow" my "leader" for the first time ever on a dance floor. I've had lots of friends try to teach me, and they always complained that I wouldn't let them lead. Turns out I am capable doing it right!!!
Flash forward to this weekend- and Andy is on set. To understand how HUGE it is for me to be here with him, you have to understand the reasons he moved out to begin with. It involved film, and the woman he met through film...
This is the first major production that he has done of his own in awhile, and here I am with him. This scared me far more than dancing did- simply because his film world changed a lot while he was gone. New people have joined his circle, and he uses advanced techniques and uses lingo that I do not understand.
But today was just simply fun. I got a lot of grading done in the down time, but I also got to chat with a lot fun people. The topics ranged from what I'm teaching in my class, to scary stories people told as children, to political propaganda, to dirty mouths, to knife throwing... and I just loved it.
This was one of the final tests for me to know that I have recovered. Could I watch Andy on set again? Could I be on set again? Could I belong on set again?
And, I feel good.
My soul is flying.
Except- for all of the high emotions, there are the dark ones that have crept in to life again as well. A dear friend of Andy's family killed himself yesterday. His children have now lost both of their parents. His best friend said today that he doesn't even feel pain yet, he is just angry.
And I remember that feeling so well...
I am sad for my loss. I am sad for my brother-in-law. I am pained for the children more than anyone else...
When I pray tonight, I will pray for this man, I will pray for his friends and family, I will pray for his children, and I will thank God for the blessings he has given me.
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