My Imperfections

I decided almost nine months ago to paint my kitchen green. Now that wouldn't seem like a big deal, except that I have never lived in a place that had anything other than a white kitchen. In fact, in my whole life, I only remember living in one room that was painted anything other than white- and that is my current bedroom with its pink walls. (Granted...as a child I lived in a room with brown paneling, but it wasn't painted...)

Last weekend, I finally decided to actually do the painting. I took the samples off the wall and headed to the store. I bought the green paint I've been planning on buying for the last three months. I was so excited as I moved all the kitchen appliances and started painting.

Coat one looked absolutely awful. Coat two... two walls were ok but the last wall still wasn't working for me. After weighing my options, I decided it would look better if the green wasn't paired with the whitish color already on the wall.

I headed back to the store and picked out a tan color. And I painted the rest of the room tan, hoping it would calm down the ugly green color. It didn't really help, and I went to sleep feeling like the kitchen I'd been planning for months had turned into a nightmare.

The next day it didn't look better. I was really upset about my ugly kitchen actually. And, at the same time, I knew being upset over ugly paint was stupid. I knew if I really hated it I could just repaint it, but at the same time I felt like I had failed in some way.

I mentioned this to Andy, and what he said made me think a lot about myself. He told me that I worry so much when I mess up little things because I am good at doing big things. But, he said it would be good for me to learn to embrace the mistakes I make- and take more chances on the little things- because the little things are part of me too.

And I thought about this... I do restrain myself from taking chances on the little things in life because I fear not being perfect at them.When I do something new or different, I worry about it way too much. I like knowing I am good at something. But at the same time- that isn't the person I want to be. I want to be someone willing to try little things- so I figure it is time for me to actually act like that person. 

Fortunately for me, Andy and I had this conversation when I was out of town for two days. That meant two days of NOT seeing my ugly kitchen. When I got home, I was determined to look at it for what it was- not judging it by 100% perfect or 100% awful.

And truthfully, it has grown on me quickly in the last two days. I finally found a way to create the border I'd been picturing in my head, and it was actually fun to make. The color had dried to a calmer shade of green, and once I finally hung my curtains back up it really changed the color to one I like.

Then, after putting up the border, I realized I had extra vinyl and a large green space on the wall that needed something. I've always wanted to put a large quote on my wall, but again... never dared. But, I read one today that I liked, and my Crickut was already set up, and the vinyl was already out... and the quote is now on the wall.

I love my new kitchen actually. And though I am worried that Andy is going to see it and hate it... I realize that if the time comes for him to move home, and he hates it... we'll just change it. But until then, it is mine.  :)

More than that, I have a new conviction to take risks on the little things in life that don't matter. Even if they don't work out, at least I'll have fun trying.