I know this sounds like bragging, and I know that is not an attractive quality, but I'm going to brag a little anyway. If you are reading this, I trust you are my friend or you wouldn't have received an invite from me.
So, as my friends, please understand and be forgiving of my boasting. I promise I won't do it all the time.
I shoveled my own walk today. This really shouldn't be a big deal, and it isn't. However, to me it is. Shoveling the walk was Andy's job- not mine. But I did it.
Every time I do one of these things, I smile because it is one more sign that I am ok. (Granted, I know all the time that I'm ok, but I LOVE these little reminders.) I'm talking about the things that have to happen to survive and be a productive adult.
When Andy moved out in June, I was really scared of all the things I would have to do. The first night he left I started to re-arrange furniture, and got my cedar chest stuck in my bedroom doorway when the flooring changed. I started to panic, and felt very much like I might not be able to survive in my own house. But, I took a deep breath, and realized if I put it on a blanket, I could slide it easily across the room.
I mowed my own lawn this summer. I've hung my own pictures and removed my own dead mouse. I drove myself to Arizona, and pumped my own gas at very strange places! :) (Today I'm going to change my own windshield wiper because I broke the last one off this morning. Oops!) I pay my own bills. I cook my own meals. I bathe my own dogs. I move my own furniture to clean under it. I even lifted my own TV to put a table cloth under it.
I want it to be clear- I don't do everything on my own. But, I also no longer panic when I can't do something. I know how to ask for help. Do I change my own oil? No, but I buy the stuff and make arrangements for it to get done. Do I know how to turn on my own heater? No, but I know how to stay warm by getting extra blankets until I can get someone to turn it on for me. (Yes... I admit, this year a little "fairy" came and turned it on before I had a chance to take care of it myself. Not my fault.)
Why am I so happy about this? Because it proves that I really can do anything on my own. I can survive on my own and don't "need a man" in my life to do it for me.
And this is valuable information moving forward. When we don't need another person to survive, it frees us to make decisions based on desire, not fear. It frees us to follow our hearts and souls.
It frees me to make the decision I want to make- not a decision I feel I have to make. And that, is a good feeling. :)
6 comments:
It really is an amazing feeling to know that we are beautiful, strong and self sufficient when need be :D Being a military wife has tought me those things. I know that for the most part I can do things for myself and it has also taught me not to be too proud to ask for help.
I am proud of you and your new found self. You are amazing.
Love you
Thanks Ness! You are truly beautiful, strong, and self-sufficient. Love you!
Haha! And, sometimes on our journey to self-sufficiency we do have to look stupid. I broke my windshield wiper this morning. Bought a new one but couldn't get it on. Went back to the store to ask for help. The old wiper was still on... it hadn't completely come off like I'd thought. Oops! :)
LOL!!! Definately ask for help . Asking for the help doesn't have to be a 'hand out' just look at it as more of a learning experience!!!
I hope your wipers work now ;)
I think this is great!! :) It's nice to have someone take care of us (like Ty making me breakfast this morning because I didn't feel good--did you know he could make French Toast?), but there's quite a nice feeling coming from taking care of something new or challenging on your own, some new task that wasn't/shouldn't be yours, and yet you've inherited it. Bravo friend! :)
Thanks Chantile! I'm impressed- French toast? Wow. I hope you are feeling better now.
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